so, its been about 6 years that my Cousin has passed, and after a certain period of time I wasn't able to express emotions are remorse. I felt like I was betraying him and empty inside. Recently I was watching a move and a mother lost her daughter. The way she expressed her emotion, not only by crying but she continued to question why and how. This emotional scene brought tears to my ears and I just broke. this is a piece that developed out of this moment

Before
Do you dream when you die. .
They scripture technician onto you coffin
And I wonder were you too afraid to install a wheel barrow into the edges of your casket
I wanted to shoot out nuclear rays of my heart
Cremate your ashes into the veins of my body
I wanted to hold you one last time
Gasp danger into the rungs of my lungs as we fight off fishes gouging at our eyes
They say that you should have listened
But I know that you’re in heaven
Can you still see me with water marinated pupils?
I love you
And right now I know that you may be crying tears of joy at me
But, seriously
I love you Ratty
I want to feel what it’s like to fight with death so that your memory never fades in my mind every time I hear of someone dying
When I look into her eyes I see you
Corners where matta once filled
Now wide open like a bats wings
I know that you are still here
Plz don’t think I've forgotten about you
I haven’t
After
I cried last night
Body perspiring like rockaway
Split my tongue like a current splitting lifeless bones
Silence held underneath the bitter salt of my taste buds
I never said I loved you
Walked along your golden sanctuary never observing your infrascture only your brown fields
You’re a god
And it took death for me to notice

I cried last night
Not the way I wanted to
But the way life wanted me to
Gaia never understood how death could haunt a human being
Only told me to pick up the pieces and move on
Instead I tried to build an infrascture form shattered glass
I want to see your face again

He was born with wings
But instead flapped with lit candle sticks on his back
Tried to mend the broken pieces of every vertebrate
And we remember him like a blind man catching light in the iris of his pupil
Eyes close
*This is till a piece in editing! Please feel free to give your thoughts and comments <3